The last week....

Has been really shit. We went to our first Fertility Specialist (FS from now on!) last week and it was just crap.

I have suspected Endo, PCO/PCOS, I have lots of cysts on one ovary, The FS also mentioned something about me possibly having Adenomyosis, faaaannntastic. I have one ovaries that appear to be a very strange shape, kind of pear shaped.

Apart from all of the doom and gloom news the FS gave us she was actaully quite good, she was very thorough and knew all her stuff! I have to have a laparoscopy, the wait in the public system is going to be 6-8 months, the alternative is waiting 4-6 weeks and paying $3500-$5000. We have decided to get it done ASAP because it appears that getting it done without it, really is not possible.

Over the last week I have had every emotion possible. But right now I am just feeling an overwhelmingly angry and frustrated and all I can keep saying is WHY ME. Why can't I be a fertile person.

I had a pregnancy dream last night and it has just made me feel terrible. Everyone I have told about the FS and her doom and gloom news has tried to tell me that they have "feelings" that I will be pregnant one day. Well lucky them! I don't have that feeling, I want that feeling but right now it just seems so friggin impossible. I hate that I cant tell my brother about this, we used to be so close, but if I told him and his wife found out she would be so smug and happy about it. Imagine that, being happy at someone else's expense, when they are feeling hurt and sad and miserable.

Mr Woggie is getting is "little boys" tested next week, I hope and pray that one thing, just one thing can go right in this journey to create our little miracle. After that we wait until the 4th of June for the second FS appointment and then book the surgery.