Every time I hear this new song by Michael Paynter on the radio it makes me think about the infertility journey.
So, are we getting any closer?
It really does not feel like it.
AT ALL.
Yes, I am embarrassed to say, I've been avoiding this blog at all cost over the last week. I really don't have anything constructive to add. The only thoughts I can conjure seem to be negative and honestly who wants to read about that?? All my thoughts have been consumed with infertility and what it means and what happens if this defines my life, what happens if things just don't change? Like ever.
I'm in my second cycle since the lap, and I know 2 people (one being the lovely endo baby) who have fallen their second cycle after their laps. And I want that so much, it is all I can think about, according to the FS there is no reason why we should'nt be able to fall naturally now, yet that does not make me feel better at all. If I don't fall pregnant this cycle, I honestly don't know if I will be able to keep going. And this is exactly what I mean, I just can't write about anything happy and positive. Honestly there is not that much in my life to write about. Other than this infertility. Boring. So very very boring.
The sexathon has begun. I'm sure Mr. Woggie, is over the moon. But I can't help but think and feel that I don't want to have sex. Ever again. If I don't have sex, it means I can't fail, I don't need to ask myself "Why didn't I get pregnant this month" Giving up seems like a much easier option right now.
6 comments:
Commenting early from ICLW.
I hope this natural cycle works. It did for Endo Baby and lots of other ladies.
I have hated it too.
Forced + timed intercourse = COME ON, COME ON, JUST COME FASTER, DAMNIT! That was what I felt, anyway.
But don't give up!!!
(((((((hugs))))))
Thank you for finding me and being the first ICLW commenter on my blog this morning! :) I decided I would also make you my first comment for ICLW (and I guess also my first return comment).
(((HUGS))) I know it is so hard and frustrating when you just want to get pregnant and it isn't happening as you hoped, dreamed and expected that it would.
They teach us when we are kids how easy it is to conceive and by the time we are adults and ready to start our families so many of us find out that it isn't that easy for everyone. We are taught growing up that if we work hard and are determined that anything is possible. Not so much the case when dealing with infertility, as so many of us have had to learn the hard way...
I also know what you mean about how sex for the sake of TTC can get old after awhile. Though like you, my DH rarely complains. ;)
I too hope that you are able to create new life on your own before October, but either way I wish you the best and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers on your journey to have a child. Hang in there.
(ICLW)
oh hon...please do NOT give up if this doesn't work this month ok?
Can I lie and tell you it worked for me on our 6th cycle? Will that make you feel better?
Thinking about you honey xxoxox
I hated all the forced scheduling of things, it all seemed so frustrating and unnatural. I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this, it can be such a tough road. I know it's easier said than done, but hang in there - things get better when you least expect them to. We were ready to cancel our IVF cycle due to poor follicle response, decided to go ahead, and amazingly we got pregnant. Always hold onto hope - no matter how unhopeful things seem. ((hugs)) ICLW
I'm sorry you're so down. My hopes were so high after my surgery, too--the waiting has been harder since then. I hope you have good news very soon!
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