I'm tired.

Tired of lots of things.

• Tired of TTC
• Tired of stupid comments and un-supportive people
• Tired of waiting to ovulate, the TWW, waiting for AF, waiting for appointments
• Tired because I went out and got way too drunk yesterday and I need more sleep
• Tired of hearing "Oh my cousin/sister/aunty/mum/grandma /grandpa/uncle/cat/dog/budgie had Endo and she got pregnant naturally and has 26 kids now" That is wonderful for your cousin, good on her! Endo does not make everyone infertile. There is a huge difference in having Endo and getting PG quickly and having Endo and TTC for 14.5 months with no results what so ever.
  
• Tired of having to explain to people when they ask when we are having babies that we have been trying.
  
• Tired of not working. Generally I'm just tired.
  

And to top it all off, I'm going back to work tomorrow, for 2 weeks. While I love what I do. Doing it for 2 weeks seems like the biggest waste of time in the world. You don't get to know the kids very well, they don't get to know you very well and you spend more time on crowd control than teaching.

Maybe I'm asking too much to want it all, a job and a consistent job? I do find it hard to deal with the fact that I don't have either of those two things. Both of the things I wanted so badly, both of the things that have always been in my life's "Plan" and I don't have one of them. Dean keeps telling me that I will have them both one day, but I just don't or can't believe him. I'm starting to become one of those negative "Good things never happen to me" people. The kind of person I really did not want to become, ever. Yet it seems like it is just happening. I know there are people out there who have it worse than me, and I am thankful for the few things I do have. I just want more. Selfish perhaps, greedy I am sure of it. But I do. I want it all.