Super Woman

I wanted to post again today, because everything I've been writing lately has been negative and I'm beginning to think that all my negative thinking is making me feel more negative. In the past I've been strong, remarkably strong and through some less than lovely experiences too.

The song "Superwoman" by Alicia Keys is slowly becoming a favourite of mine (it was bound to, I'm a huge Alicia fan). And I was listening to it at the gym yesterday, really listening to the lyrics and realised that it is one of those songs that "speaks to me"

So now I'm going to tell you about my Superwoman moments and why I will overcome infertility.

1. I'm a survivor of sexual abuse. Only about 5 people in my life know that. I was sexually abused by my cousin who used to "baby sit me" from the age of 6-13. I never told a single person until I was 19 years old. When I told my mum when I was 19, it all came rushing back to me, I would relive the abuse. But I survived, I got one and I moved on and I am okay about it now. I can see my cousin and I can be polite and I don't panic and I don't fall into a mess.

2. I survived a horrific parental separation, my father had an affair (or many) from when I was about 6 years old until he was found out when I was 16 years old. It tore my family apart, it was not nice, but I survived that too.

3. I was in a nasty relationship for about 3 years and then he broke my heart it took me about 2 years to get over it, he was the man I planned to marry, but I survived.

4. My cousin died of complications from chicken pox and left 3 children under 4 years old. I helped her husband tell her 4 year old son that "Mummy was not coming home from the hospital" the saddest moment of my life thus far, but I survived.

5. I went to TAFE and then University to be a teacher for 5 years to finish my degree to find there is an over supply of teachers where I live, I get depressed about my constant unemployment and never ending job searching and the way I can't help out financially, I've survived this for 4 years and will continue to survive.

6. I'm now facing IF with endo, PCO and a disagreeable uterus, a recent miscarriage, my marriage being torn in all directions I don't feel like I'm going to survive, but I'm determined to survive.

This might seem like a negative post because I've just listed the 6 worst things to happen in my life but honestly it is a positive thing, I've come through all of these experience, each of them has made me the person I am today. If I wasn't the person I am today, I don't know if I would have my wonderful husband, I wouldn't have my wonderful IF friends, who although I wish I never had to meet under such awful circumstances, I'm glad I have.

IF will make me cherish my baby more than non IF person will ever understand, those sleepless nights, that morning sickness I will be grateful for it all.

To all my fellow IF girls, to all the people who have had a miscarriage, to me you are all Super Women, you get up each day and try again, against all the odds. It takes a special person to be able to do that. I dedicate this to you all.

Alicia Keys - Superwoman.


Lyrics