Is in full force right now. I'm feeling resentful, envious and very jealous. And I HATE feeling like this. I really don't want to feel like this at all, but I can't help it.
Simple things like seeing belly pictures in user avatars and pregnancy tickers are seriously hurting my heart. I'm reminded that today I should have been 16 weeks pregnant, yes 16 weeks and I'm not. I'm not even a little bit pregnant, not even possibly pregnant and it hurts so so much.
My heart breaks for Mr. Woggie, from our first date, I knew he wanted children, being a father was the one thing he wanted in life, he deserves to be a Dad so much, he will be a wonderful Dad. Instead he marries a mutant who firstly can't get pregnant but then who has back to back miscarriages.
It makes me angry for people to be so blase about being pregnant (I know, I need to stop reading and listening to people who talk about how terrible it is to be big and uncomfortable, I would happily swap with those people in a heartbeat, if they want to feel comfortable, seriously, I'll take away their pain. (I'm a generous lass!!!)
I wish it was one of life's little guarantee's, but sadly its not :( I'm reminded of that by seeing my Mum's best friend, after many failed IVF cycles they are childless and it makes me so scared that could be me.
6 comments:
Oh, I am so sorry. I too feel the green eyed monster. I should be holding a little new born, instead I have had 3 mcs this year. It is especially hard to hear someone complain when all you want is to feel those things. I have followed your story and am sending you positive thoughts and prayers that one day you will be holding your truest desire.
All the emotions are part of the ride. They suck, but they let that feeling when you hold your newborn be 10 thousand, million, kabillion times better than for THOSE women.
You will truly know happiness.
it will not be you.
It wont.
...I'm sorry there is nothing that I can do. If I could magically make you pregnant with a sticky baby I would....
I'm so sorry you feel this way. But, it's only natural.
and I will shut the hell up when I complain about being big and uncomfortable...=)
I hate that green eyed monster so much! I hate to be afraid of the next time when I'll hear next pregnancy announcements and how I'll manage to put up a happy face...
I wish so much you and Mr. Woggie will get a sticky baby, I'm sure you will both make great parents!
I don't know how many times you can say, "it's just not fair" without sounding repetitive, but in your case, it's just not. You should be pregnant, and you should have a baby soon, and nothing will make that ache go away but BEING pregnant. As always, take care of yourself, and don't put yourself in situations that cause you pain. ((Hugs))
I'm so sorry. I know what you mean about thinking about how many weeks we *should* be and it just sucks.
Have you checked out 'White Picket Fence' blog? She recently had another miscarriage :(
I think you, me and her really just 'understand' each other.
http://whitepicketfence2point5kids.blogspot.com/
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