Ok so there are a whole list of things you can say to an infertile, and I won't list them because you all know what they are (but feel free to add your horror stories here!)
I was talking to a friend the other night and her best friend (who is a guy)had a baby (well his wife did - but you know what I mean, I've heard my freind mention this particular friend of hers maybe a handful of times and I knew that they were expecting a baby soon, and I asked if it had been born yet. Yes was the answer and then came something out of the blue, I was not expecting....
"Why don't you come and visit them with me when I go in the next few days"
I was stunned, shocked, horrified and mortified.
Not only do I not know this person from a bar of soap and it would be highly inappropriate for me to go and visit their brand new baby... BUT I struggle with the arrival of babies from the people that I like and love, it breaks my heart seeing them, because it is what I would die to have, but it would be made a billion times worse seeing it from a random person who I don't know and who does not know me.
Now that I'm writing this out, I feel like maybe I have over reacted, and maybe I have, I didn't say that to her of course, I just made up a dumb excuse. But I feel hurt that a friend can completely ignore that I am infertile and we even had a conversation about it the other day.
6 comments:
I totally relate to you and don't think you're overreacting. Maybe your friend just doesn't know what to say or do, and maybe thinks that you visiting a baby, albeit a strangers baby, would make you feel better. That's all I can think of. Most people, I've found, just don't know how to relate to infertility, and especially a miscarriage. (ICLW)
You're not overreacting. You just can't relate right now. I didn't even want to hold my friend's baby when I was "forced" to go out for lunch with them. After that, I felt thta I did overreact but it was just the pain from not having one of my own.
(((((hugs))))
I completely understand your reaction. My God, it would be weird enough without being infertile in that you don't know them, but I would think that in the very least friends of people who are IF might be able to conceptualize how that might hurt just a little. Maybe it's hard for me to think outside of myself, but it doesn't seem like that much to ask.
You just have to follow your road, and for you it isn't holding a newborn right now. That is totally understandable!
For others, hold a baby might feed their need. Maybe that's why they offerred (ok- probably not...but maybe).
xoxo - hang in!
What a strange suggestion on your friend's part. my guess is she just didn't know what to say.
i am glad you could vent elsewhere.
I totally get it. My SIL just had her baby and we have to "visit" often. It breaks my heart every time. I wouldn't do it if I didn't feel that I "should".
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