Symptoms - Minor cramping, creamy CM, sore boobs. Exactly what happened when I was pregnant last time, I'm trying to not get to far ahead of myself but it is hard, really hard, I just want it so so much. I'd like nothing more than to tell the family I was pregnant at Christmas time, or even on my mum's birthday. I won't be blogging about it here though, mainly because family and friends read this blog and it's going to be a secret this time round, I just don't want to deal with other peoples emotions if things went pear shaped again. Last time I had my Mum devastated that I was miscarrying which made me feel like I had to look after her, I had other people pissed off that they didn't find out, which then didn't allow me to grieve because I was so angry about having to justify why I didn't tell anyone except online people and our parents. So this time the secret will be staying with me, until we've told everyone. I honestly believe that other people's negative reactions really helped make me feel depre4sed about the whole thing, which I'm still suffering from. I am getting counseling though, I know some of you have been worried about me but I'm getting help and I'm getting better.
I can't remember if I've posted about this but we canceled the FS appointment for the 15th. Well I didn't, I made Mr. Woggie do it! We will go back if I'm not pregnant by January or February, I just want time out for now and I don't want to start IUI, I just don't have what it takes to jab myself with a needle at the moment. If I don't get pregnant this cycle, I'm also going to start looking for permanent work, instead of just doing contracts, I've put it off for the last year and a half because I though 'I'd only be in my job for 9 months so there would be no point' Basically I'm sick of infertility being in control of my life, I'm taking the control back.
A few weeks ago I showed photos of our European holiday the German part. Here are some Russian photos.
4 comments:
You go girl! Take back the control!! It is so good to hear you putting your foot down and knowing what your next steps are. Of course, we all still yell to the pregnancy gods to bless you with a babe but you are taking care of yourself and that is priority!
big squeezes from afar!
Thats fair enough about not telling anyone...and waiting till next year when you are ready for a potential IUI. Hopefully it wont come to that.
xoxo
Those are very pretty photos of Russia - I guess these are the parts that are tourist-friendly? :)
Anyway, looks like I, too, will be looking for a permanent job soon...
I love your photos, seems like you had a great trip :)!
Hopefully this would be THE cycle!
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