And it's not anywhere in sight. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being the poster girl for things not going the way I want them too.
I know I am lucky and there are so many more people worse off than I but I'd just like something to happen in the fashion that I'd like to happen in for ONCE. That would be nice.
I can't conjure up anything pleasant to say about my reproductive system and the moment and it's probably tainting my view on things a lot. But I'm so angry. About a squillion things but angry that I've had to go through what I went through to get Master C and angry that it just hasn't happened this time. And I'm angry that people weren't supportive the first time round so now I've told no one we are TTC again and really have no one to talk about it too, because so many of my IF friends are still trying for number 1 so it seems sooo inappropriate to be angry when I already have a baby.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
My regular cycle was the only thing I had going for me!
And now it's gone *insert eye roll*
Before I had the miscarriages the lap, D&C, hyst and dye studies my cycle was 28 days, then it was 29 days. After the miscarriages it was 31 days and now it's gone to 36 days. What is going on? Honestly my cycle length really was the only thing right about my body. I'm now up to CD 18 and I'm yet to ovulate, so I'm looking at at least another 36 day cycle, unless of course my LP has shortened too, and knowing my luck it probably has. We are having sex every second day all the same, hopefully it works. If and that's a huge if - I feel pregnant this cycle I'd be pretty much spot on 12 weeks on the day of Master C's 1st birthday party. I'd love more than anything to announce on his birthday.
I'm getting frustrated that I'm not one of those people that can want to be pregnant and it happens for right away. I know it's only been 3 months so far but I want to know what it feels like to get pregnant straight away - actually even more than that I want to know what it's like to have a successful pregnancy first time round, I can't imagine what that is like and (call me negative) but I don't think I'll ever get to know.
Master C is now 9.5 months old - he's at a lovely age, he claps his hands and 'dances' and is so close to crawling, every day is full of mischief at the moment! I'd so dearly love to give him a sibling close in age.
I'm think that I'll have to defer my plans to study again, I just can't find any family day care around our area and I don't feel comfortable leaving him in a childcare center just yet. I used to work in a CCC and saw what happened to non mobile babies!
Before I had the miscarriages the lap, D&C, hyst and dye studies my cycle was 28 days, then it was 29 days. After the miscarriages it was 31 days and now it's gone to 36 days. What is going on? Honestly my cycle length really was the only thing right about my body. I'm now up to CD 18 and I'm yet to ovulate, so I'm looking at at least another 36 day cycle, unless of course my LP has shortened too, and knowing my luck it probably has. We are having sex every second day all the same, hopefully it works. If and that's a huge if - I feel pregnant this cycle I'd be pretty much spot on 12 weeks on the day of Master C's 1st birthday party. I'd love more than anything to announce on his birthday.
I'm getting frustrated that I'm not one of those people that can want to be pregnant and it happens for right away. I know it's only been 3 months so far but I want to know what it feels like to get pregnant straight away - actually even more than that I want to know what it's like to have a successful pregnancy first time round, I can't imagine what that is like and (call me negative) but I don't think I'll ever get to know.
Master C is now 9.5 months old - he's at a lovely age, he claps his hands and 'dances' and is so close to crawling, every day is full of mischief at the moment! I'd so dearly love to give him a sibling close in age.
I'm think that I'll have to defer my plans to study again, I just can't find any family day care around our area and I don't feel comfortable leaving him in a childcare center just yet. I used to work in a CCC and saw what happened to non mobile babies!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
2 years ago...
It was Mothers Day (like it is today) I was helping to dig up my mothers back yard and I got my period. It was the worst day of my life. I remember being miserable, cranky and pissed off at the world for not making me a mother already.
Although today wasn't a great day, that day back in 2008 hasn't been far from my mind and has reminded me that even though my first mothers day may not have been good - I'm so so so so SO lucky to have my little boy. I wouldn't change a single thing about him. He is the light of my life.
Although today wasn't a great day, that day back in 2008 hasn't been far from my mind and has reminded me that even though my first mothers day may not have been good - I'm so so so so SO lucky to have my little boy. I wouldn't change a single thing about him. He is the light of my life.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Trying not to try
You read right. I hate/d it when people would say things like that and then hey presto! be pregnant in a jiffy! I never got pregnant in a jiffy and to be quite honest I'm jealous of people who do. Still am, always will be. Especially those who don't 'try' for their second child and get pregnant again, really quickly. First time fertiles - I can somewhat handle. Second time fertiles - I cannot.
I don't think it's always been this way. I think after a year or so of trying for our first/second/third pregnancy I hated first time fertiles more. I think it's only now we are trying for our second (or not trying or trying not to try) that I care about people getting pregnant quickly with their second and subsequent children.
This whole trying not to try thing is so foreign to me now. I'm sure last time we did that for a decent amount of time, but I honestly can't remember TTC without the tears and the heartache at the end of each cycle. I'm trying my best to be a good little infertile and relax but I'm totally shit scared that it will take a long time again. I couldn't even cope and get myself out of bed in the mornings let alone looking after a baby aswell, I guess this time I'll have to be tougher about it. Who am I kidding? I'm a much more emotional person now that I'm a mummy than before. God help me, any anyone else who has to be around me during this time!
I'm trying to positive, really, I am. But TTC and positive just don't sit well for me.
I don't think it's always been this way. I think after a year or so of trying for our first/second/third pregnancy I hated first time fertiles more. I think it's only now we are trying for our second (or not trying or trying not to try) that I care about people getting pregnant quickly with their second and subsequent children.
This whole trying not to try thing is so foreign to me now. I'm sure last time we did that for a decent amount of time, but I honestly can't remember TTC without the tears and the heartache at the end of each cycle. I'm trying my best to be a good little infertile and relax but I'm totally shit scared that it will take a long time again. I couldn't even cope and get myself out of bed in the mornings let alone looking after a baby aswell, I guess this time I'll have to be tougher about it. Who am I kidding? I'm a much more emotional person now that I'm a mummy than before. God help me, any anyone else who has to be around me during this time!
I'm trying to positive, really, I am. But TTC and positive just don't sit well for me.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Quilting up a storm.
I'm really not the least bit crafty, I made a quilt back in year 12 (that was 11 years ago, in 99) anyway at that time my sweet cousin (who is also my best friend) loved it. I told her that when she had her first baby I'd make her one (thinking that we were both too young, and would always stay young and never have children!) Anyway 6 weeks she gave birth to a beautiful little girl Ayda so I really had to get a wriggle on with the quilt that I hadn't even started!
I googled quilts for baby girls and got a link to The Moda Bake Shop Blog And fell in love with this quilt. However instead of using the Moda Coin Stack - I just used other fabrics that I liked from Spotlight, mainly because I didn't want to spend an arm and a leg on fabric when I can barely sew in a straight line anymore!
Anyway I've been sewing off and on for the last 6 weeks and am just about to do the finishing touches (the binding and 'quilting') This is what it's looking like at the moment.
Now I've got the sewing bug I've decided to make a quilt for Master C. I've found a pattern that I like and the fabrics I like so now I just need to make it all happen!
Other exciting things in my life at the moment are Master C sleeping through for the first time on Saturday night and for the second time last night (Sunday). We've been trying to communicate, settle, re-settle and use a waking 'routine' from Sheyne Rowley's Dream Baby Guide and we (I) stopped breastfeeding over night and it's worked a treat. It's not strict or hash like SOS is, but focuses more on using communication, food and daily play time to solve sleep problems than cry it out methods. I don't expect that he will do it every night but once every now and then would be great!
We have no been trying to concieve our second child since March. I was really hopeful it would happen first and second go but it didn't. I know that 3 months, 6 months or even 9 months isn't that long in the scheme of things but I was just hoping to be one of those people that could just fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. This time we won't be telling anyone that we are trying for our second baby or telling anyone until the 12 week mark - due to the lack of excitement we received first time round. So if/when it happens, I probably won't blog about it either, you never know who is reading ;)
I googled quilts for baby girls and got a link to The Moda Bake Shop Blog And fell in love with this quilt. However instead of using the Moda Coin Stack - I just used other fabrics that I liked from Spotlight, mainly because I didn't want to spend an arm and a leg on fabric when I can barely sew in a straight line anymore!
Anyway I've been sewing off and on for the last 6 weeks and am just about to do the finishing touches (the binding and 'quilting') This is what it's looking like at the moment.
Now I've got the sewing bug I've decided to make a quilt for Master C. I've found a pattern that I like and the fabrics I like so now I just need to make it all happen!
Other exciting things in my life at the moment are Master C sleeping through for the first time on Saturday night and for the second time last night (Sunday). We've been trying to communicate, settle, re-settle and use a waking 'routine' from Sheyne Rowley's Dream Baby Guide and we (I) stopped breastfeeding over night and it's worked a treat. It's not strict or hash like SOS is, but focuses more on using communication, food and daily play time to solve sleep problems than cry it out methods. I don't expect that he will do it every night but once every now and then would be great!
We have no been trying to concieve our second child since March. I was really hopeful it would happen first and second go but it didn't. I know that 3 months, 6 months or even 9 months isn't that long in the scheme of things but I was just hoping to be one of those people that could just fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. This time we won't be telling anyone that we are trying for our second baby or telling anyone until the 12 week mark - due to the lack of excitement we received first time round. So if/when it happens, I probably won't blog about it either, you never know who is reading ;)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
30 things to do before I'm 30!
My 30th birthday is approaching (in a little under 2 years) and I've decided to make a list. Basically it's 30 things I'd like to do before I turn 30.
So far, I don't have 30 things. About 16 or so but this is it so far.
1. Have another baby
2. Read Anna Karenina by Leo Tolsty
3. Read Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
4. Get down to my healthy weight range
5. Grow my hair long
6. Dye my hair a crazy colour
6. Do Karaoke with Dean (I promised to do this on the day we met!)
7. Jump out of a plane
8. Watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s
9. Go to the dentist
10. Grow a vegetable patch
11. Do the Bridge to Brisbane (a fun run)
12. Do shave for a cure
13. Cook pasta from scratch
14. Volunteer
15. Finish 4 more uni subjects
16. Go without eating chocolate for 6 months straight
17. Read the rest of the Diana Gabaldon series.
So far, I don't have 30 things. About 16 or so but this is it so far.
1. Have another baby
2. Read Anna Karenina by Leo Tolsty
3. Read Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
4. Get down to my healthy weight range
5. Grow my hair long
6. Dye my hair a crazy colour
6. Do Karaoke with Dean (I promised to do this on the day we met!)
7. Jump out of a plane
8. Watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s
9. Go to the dentist
10. Grow a vegetable patch
11. Do the Bridge to Brisbane (a fun run)
12. Do shave for a cure
13. Cook pasta from scratch
14. Volunteer
15. Finish 4 more uni subjects
16. Go without eating chocolate for 6 months straight
17. Read the rest of the Diana Gabaldon series.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Happy Half Birthday....
Yesterday was Master C's half birthday. 6 whole months have gone buy. I can't beleive it was half a year ago that I was holding my tiny (okay, he was never tiny)small (alright, he was never small either) newborn baby.
Mr Woggie and I had no idea what we were doing, maybe I should speak for myself here I had no idea what I was doing. I remember when he was about 2 hours old and he was crying probably just about being in the world and nothing more sinister the midwife asked me what was wrong with him (like I, a mother for all of 2 hours would know) my response "I think he has wind" I don't even think it's humanly possible for a baby of 2 hours old to have wind. Looking back now I don't think it was wind, I sure as hell know what that's all about these days and it wasn't that!!
Sometimes Mr. Woggie still says to me "What do I do" when Master C is upset and won't settle and I think "How the hell should I know" I have no idea. I just keep trying things to see if they work. My latest is singing in a ridiculously loud voice the lyrics to various Sound of Music songs. I'm certain my next door neighbour is sick of me singing "Doe-a-dear-a-female-dear-rraaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy-a-drop-of-golden-ssuuuuuuunnnnn-Mi-a-name-I-call-my-self-far-a-long...." you get the idea. I think it stuns Master C more than soothes him, but hey whatever works. Right?
Even though he is here with us, I still worry that he will be taken away. When he has been sleeping more than usual I have to go in and give him a little poke to make him move just to reassure myself. Then I see things on the news like a 12 year old going to school and getting stabbed to death, at school where is should be safe and I think what if that happens to us? How do you move on from that. How does your heart heal when you have met the little baby, got to know their personality. It scares me so much.
Mr Woggie and I had no idea what we were doing, maybe I should speak for myself here I had no idea what I was doing. I remember when he was about 2 hours old and he was crying probably just about being in the world and nothing more sinister the midwife asked me what was wrong with him (like I, a mother for all of 2 hours would know) my response "I think he has wind" I don't even think it's humanly possible for a baby of 2 hours old to have wind. Looking back now I don't think it was wind, I sure as hell know what that's all about these days and it wasn't that!!
Sometimes Mr. Woggie still says to me "What do I do" when Master C is upset and won't settle and I think "How the hell should I know" I have no idea. I just keep trying things to see if they work. My latest is singing in a ridiculously loud voice the lyrics to various Sound of Music songs. I'm certain my next door neighbour is sick of me singing "Doe-a-dear-a-female-dear-rraaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy-a-drop-of-golden-ssuuuuuuunnnnn-Mi-a-name-I-call-my-self-far-a-long...." you get the idea. I think it stuns Master C more than soothes him, but hey whatever works. Right?
Even though he is here with us, I still worry that he will be taken away. When he has been sleeping more than usual I have to go in and give him a little poke to make him move just to reassure myself. Then I see things on the news like a 12 year old going to school and getting stabbed to death, at school where is should be safe and I think what if that happens to us? How do you move on from that. How does your heart heal when you have met the little baby, got to know their personality. It scares me so much.
Totally addicted to cloth.
Before we even started TTC 3 years ago I decided that we were going to be a cloth nappying family. Imagine my delight when I discovered the world of MCNs (Modern Cloth Nappies) Master C has more cloth nappies than you can poke a stick at. The reason was to save money in the long term, it probably has already, I'm too scared to add up how much money I've spent on cloth.
This is a picture of my our collection about 2 months ago, I've bought more since then and not all of the ones I owned at the time are not in the photo. I'm sure it seems excessive but keep in mind we don't use disposible nappies. Ever.
And just because he was so freaking cute as a newborn in cloth!
Now owning a lot of cloth nappies is one thing, but today my obsession went to a whole new level. I'm a teacher by trade but today I applied for a job working in a cloth nappy store! When I told Mr Woggie I think he almost fell down the stairs - firstly because I've been quite adament about never going back to work and secondly because I'm sure he thinks I've got a problem with nappies (possibly true) and I'm sure he is scared it will mean our cloth nappy collection will double in no time!
I don't know if I'll get it, I have no retail experience and don't know that much about cloth nappies, but it would be great if I did so wish me luck!
This is a picture of my our collection about 2 months ago, I've bought more since then and not all of the ones I owned at the time are not in the photo. I'm sure it seems excessive but keep in mind we don't use disposible nappies. Ever.
And just because he was so freaking cute as a newborn in cloth!
Now owning a lot of cloth nappies is one thing, but today my obsession went to a whole new level. I'm a teacher by trade but today I applied for a job working in a cloth nappy store! When I told Mr Woggie I think he almost fell down the stairs - firstly because I've been quite adament about never going back to work and secondly because I'm sure he thinks I've got a problem with nappies (possibly true) and I'm sure he is scared it will mean our cloth nappy collection will double in no time!
I don't know if I'll get it, I have no retail experience and don't know that much about cloth nappies, but it would be great if I did so wish me luck!
Tates of Tuesday
Master C, Mr. Woggie and I have just embarked on the process of solids or weaning or whatever you'd like to call the beginning of my baby eating food and drinking milk less. So I'd thought I'd each Tuesday I'll blog about what Master C has been eating each week and post some of my favourite baby recipes (one's that I've got from cook books) and some I've invented myself (these will be few and far between I'm sure).
So far Master C has enjoyed pumpkin and spinach (his favorites),potato, apple (didn't enjoy that so much!) pear and banana. We skipped the whole rice cereal thing he didn't dig it and I can't blame him, it did have a dreadful odour to it.
Today I cooked up some peas and pureed them - we'll try them tomorrow.
This week I'm going to introduce some protein, probably in the form of chicken I've found a baby recipe I'm really keen to try out it's an Annabel Karmel creation.
Easy one-pot chicken
Ingredients
50g (2oz) leeks, washed and finely sliced
15g (1/20z) unsalted butter (I'll probably leave this out)
110g chicken breast cut into chunks
1 medium carrot pelled and sliced
275g sweet potato, peeled and chopped
300ml Chicken Stock.
Method
Saute the leeks in the butter until softened.
Add the chicken to the pan and saute for 3-4 minutes
Add the vegetables
Pour over the stock, bring to the boil and simmer, covered with a lid, for about 30 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through and the vegetables are tender. Puree in a blender to the desired consistency.
For the first batch I'll probably not include leeks as I only introduce one new food at a time and for this recipe it will be the chicken. I may use potato instead or perhaps peas if it's a hit!
So far Master C has enjoyed pumpkin and spinach (his favorites),potato, apple (didn't enjoy that so much!) pear and banana. We skipped the whole rice cereal thing he didn't dig it and I can't blame him, it did have a dreadful odour to it.
Today I cooked up some peas and pureed them - we'll try them tomorrow.
This week I'm going to introduce some protein, probably in the form of chicken I've found a baby recipe I'm really keen to try out it's an Annabel Karmel creation.
Easy one-pot chicken
Ingredients
50g (2oz) leeks, washed and finely sliced
15g (1/20z) unsalted butter (I'll probably leave this out)
110g chicken breast cut into chunks
1 medium carrot pelled and sliced
275g sweet potato, peeled and chopped
300ml Chicken Stock.
Method
Saute the leeks in the butter until softened.
Add the chicken to the pan and saute for 3-4 minutes
Add the vegetables
Pour over the stock, bring to the boil and simmer, covered with a lid, for about 30 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through and the vegetables are tender. Puree in a blender to the desired consistency.
For the first batch I'll probably not include leeks as I only introduce one new food at a time and for this recipe it will be the chicken. I may use potato instead or perhaps peas if it's a hit!
Our breastfeeding journey...the early days
I had always planned to breastfeed. I had it in my head that because I had 2 miscarriages and it took almost 2 years for us to have a successful pregnancy so I thought it was my 'right' to be able to breastfeed easily. It didn't occur to me that it would be difficult for me. i had attended an ABA day course and read ""Breastfeeding Naturally" from cover to cover before I went to hospital.
Things went pretty much pear shape from the very start. Master C had no interest in attaching in the birth suite and only did so because we 'forced' him.
I had NO idea what I was doing - how long I should feed for or anything like that. By day 2 I already had bruised nipples. By that night Charlie was screaming and screaming the MW suggested hand expressing colostrum she helped me but nothing came out. She suggested giving him 20mls of formula but I refused.
By day 3 my nipples were grazed and bleeding, Mr Woggie bought me some cream for my nipples and I applied that furiously. We got discharged from hospital that night. I continued feeding on demand but was in a great deal of pain but was determined to breastfeed.
By 8pm on day 4 (we had only been home 24 hours) we had realised Master C had not urinated since his first nappy change that morning. We rang 13 HEALTH and they told us to take him straight to the hospital. When we got there he had to have 3 blood tests. They asked me to feed him where I was told my attachment was crap. They also insisted we gave him some forumla as at that point the suspected he was dehydrated, the MW in the children's emergency ward showed us how to feed him with a bottle I cried the whole time. Master C's test results came back as him possibly having a kidney problem, being dehydrated and having too much salt because he had not had enough to eat. He had also dropped to under 3.5kgs (He was born at 4.2). They wanted to keep him in on a drip however they were worried that he may catch an infection being so young so they sent us home with bottles of formula and we were told to feed for 15 minutes on each side and then give him 50mls of formula. They also requested us to come back the next day.
By day 5 my nipples were so damaged I couldn't feed from my left one. That day we went to the supermarket to get a breast pump some formula and some bottles. I felt embarrassed and ashamed buying them so made Mr Woggie go through the checkout while I waited outside. We took Master C back to the hospital that night and he had gained 300 grams in 24 hours. I felt like the worst mother in the world - I had been starving my baby. Once again they got the MW in emergency to help me to breastfeed while they were running the repeat tests on Master C. After a feed they got me to express and only colostrum came out. My milk still had not come in.
On day 6 my MCHN came to visit and told me she had never seen such badly damaged nipples - she told me to stop feeding and express and do the formula top ups. He was on more formula than breastmilk.
On day 7 I visited the drop in lactation consultant center. They showed me all of the different positions and holds and suggested that I got some fenugreek to help with my supply. I got the fenugreek and started drinking it furiously. By day 10 I was still expressing full time but developed a case of mastitis because I couldn't drain my breast properly.
I had to cancel my appointment at the day stay feeding clinic due to the mastits. Mr Woggie went back to work that day and I had to start trying to breastfeed so I started feeding every second feed and topping up with formula. By the following Firday my nipples were back to the damaged state the had been in so I was back to full time expressing and FF feeding. I got an appointment at the feeding clinic. Getting mastitis once again killed my supply so I went back to the GP to get some motillium and was told if I was feeding him by 6 weeks she would be amazed.
At the clinic they told me there was nothing they could do - Master C's attachment was perfect and he was just one of those babies that damaged nipples. I left feeling so disheartened that we were doing everything right but it still didnt work. I vowed to quit Breastfeeding then and there but Mr Woggie kept pushing me and pushing me (I hated him for it so much)
Once I decided that I was going to persist with it I set myself a goal to be only doing bottle feds by the 1st of October then to be totally feeding him breastmilk by the 1st of November then to be 100% breastfeeding by the 1st of December. It took us a while to get there but we did it. There were many tears and tantrums from both of us but I'm glad I stuck it out, I love feeding him now.
Things went pretty much pear shape from the very start. Master C had no interest in attaching in the birth suite and only did so because we 'forced' him.
I had NO idea what I was doing - how long I should feed for or anything like that. By day 2 I already had bruised nipples. By that night Charlie was screaming and screaming the MW suggested hand expressing colostrum she helped me but nothing came out. She suggested giving him 20mls of formula but I refused.
By day 3 my nipples were grazed and bleeding, Mr Woggie bought me some cream for my nipples and I applied that furiously. We got discharged from hospital that night. I continued feeding on demand but was in a great deal of pain but was determined to breastfeed.
By 8pm on day 4 (we had only been home 24 hours) we had realised Master C had not urinated since his first nappy change that morning. We rang 13 HEALTH and they told us to take him straight to the hospital. When we got there he had to have 3 blood tests. They asked me to feed him where I was told my attachment was crap. They also insisted we gave him some forumla as at that point the suspected he was dehydrated, the MW in the children's emergency ward showed us how to feed him with a bottle I cried the whole time. Master C's test results came back as him possibly having a kidney problem, being dehydrated and having too much salt because he had not had enough to eat. He had also dropped to under 3.5kgs (He was born at 4.2). They wanted to keep him in on a drip however they were worried that he may catch an infection being so young so they sent us home with bottles of formula and we were told to feed for 15 minutes on each side and then give him 50mls of formula. They also requested us to come back the next day.
By day 5 my nipples were so damaged I couldn't feed from my left one. That day we went to the supermarket to get a breast pump some formula and some bottles. I felt embarrassed and ashamed buying them so made Mr Woggie go through the checkout while I waited outside. We took Master C back to the hospital that night and he had gained 300 grams in 24 hours. I felt like the worst mother in the world - I had been starving my baby. Once again they got the MW in emergency to help me to breastfeed while they were running the repeat tests on Master C. After a feed they got me to express and only colostrum came out. My milk still had not come in.
On day 6 my MCHN came to visit and told me she had never seen such badly damaged nipples - she told me to stop feeding and express and do the formula top ups. He was on more formula than breastmilk.
On day 7 I visited the drop in lactation consultant center. They showed me all of the different positions and holds and suggested that I got some fenugreek to help with my supply. I got the fenugreek and started drinking it furiously. By day 10 I was still expressing full time but developed a case of mastitis because I couldn't drain my breast properly.
I had to cancel my appointment at the day stay feeding clinic due to the mastits. Mr Woggie went back to work that day and I had to start trying to breastfeed so I started feeding every second feed and topping up with formula. By the following Firday my nipples were back to the damaged state the had been in so I was back to full time expressing and FF feeding. I got an appointment at the feeding clinic. Getting mastitis once again killed my supply so I went back to the GP to get some motillium and was told if I was feeding him by 6 weeks she would be amazed.
At the clinic they told me there was nothing they could do - Master C's attachment was perfect and he was just one of those babies that damaged nipples. I left feeling so disheartened that we were doing everything right but it still didnt work. I vowed to quit Breastfeeding then and there but Mr Woggie kept pushing me and pushing me (I hated him for it so much)
Once I decided that I was going to persist with it I set myself a goal to be only doing bottle feds by the 1st of October then to be totally feeding him breastmilk by the 1st of November then to be 100% breastfeeding by the 1st of December. It took us a while to get there but we did it. There were many tears and tantrums from both of us but I'm glad I stuck it out, I love feeding him now.
Master C's Birth Story
The birth of Master C
On Sunday the 23rd of August Mr Woggie and I woke up at 5.30am to go to the hospital to be induced. I had a shower and then called the hospital to check that I could still come in. I was incredibly disappointed when they told me that birth suite was full and my induction had to be postponed. I called back at 12.00 – the longest 6 hour wait of my life and was told to come in.
When we got there I was admitted and we went to sit in the waiting room for a midwife to come and get us. While we were in there we FINALLY decided if we had a son his name would be Charlie – I told Dean that he could chose the middle name and I really had no ideas! So he decided that Michael would be the baby’s middle name (Dean had wanted to call the baby Michael since forever!)
At 1.30 we got collected by a midwife and went into a examination room in birth suite where I was put on the CTG machine to monitor the baby. At 14.30 the cervidil tape was inserted and I was told I was still 1cm dilated. I got monitored on the CTG for another hour and then I got taken to my bed in the maternity ward. We were told we would be taken back to birth suite at 8.30 the next morning if nothing had happened.
At 5pm on Monday the 24th of August the midwife came and told me that I could remove the cervidil myself as there was no room in birth suite. So I removed the lovely device that did nothing and sat and waited.
At 8.45pm Mr Woggie was about to go home when the midwife came in and asked if I’d like to go down to birth suite. So I jumped out of bed and collected all of the things I wanted to use during labour.
When we got down to birth suite I was put on the CTG machine again. While I was being monitored I started having minor contractions. After the CTG I had a vaginal examination and was told I was 2cm dilated. The midwife gave us 2 options to have my waters broken and the synto drip started or to have the prostin gel and sleeping tablets and come back to be induced the following morning. As I had been awake since 5am that morning we opted to have the gel and for me to get some rest. At 10.25pm I had the gel inserted and had a tori contraction which is a long continuous contraction that doesn’t end. After being monitored on the CTG yet again I was taken back to the ward at midnight, given some sleeping tablets and told to rest as tomorrow I would be meeting my baby. I didn’t sleep to badly that night but woke up every so often with minor contractions. I stoped feeling contractions around 4am.
At 8.40am on Wednesday the 25th of August I was taken back to birth suite, where I had an internal and was told I was now 3cm dilated – woohoo only 7cm to go!! At 9.20am the Ob came in to break my waters and hook the baby’s head up to the CTG machine for continual monitoring during labour – this is where things started to divert from my birth plan. I had wanted to spend much of my labour in the water and was now unable to. At 10.35am the synto drip was started and I was told that contractions would start within 1-2 hours later. About 15 mintues after the drip was started I had my first contraction which was manageable with some breathing. At 11.18 I had my first ‘hardcore’ (in Mr Woggie’s words) contraction which I got through by rocking squeezing on my stress ball. At that point contractions started coming pretty hard and fast but I was managing them quite well by resting between them and standing and rocking during them.
At about 11.45 I was still having strong contractions but also developed abdominal pain that was worse than the contractions that didn’t go away. I was getting quite distressed as nothing I did would ease the pain. At 12.00 the midwife suggested I use some gas to for the abdominal pain – it helped for the contractions but not for the abdominal pain. At this point I turned into one of those crazy women in labour I was not coping with the abdominal pain – they couldn’t identify what it was so they called in the Ob who thought it just could be the sheer weight on my pelvis as the baby hnd fully engaged – at this point they did another examination and discovered that the baby had turned. The Ob suggested an epidural because by this point I was beside myself screaming and wailing in pain and also because the baby had turned and was now going to be even harder to push out – I believe I used the F bomb towards a few of the midwives and the Ob as they suggested I keep using the gas and I told them the gas wasn’t doing a fucking thing!
The anthesisist came in and gave me the spiel about the risks of the epi and once again I swore at him and told him I didn’t give a shit just to hurry up and give it to me. After the epi was administered at 1.50pm – or maybe before I can’t remember I fell asleep! I was told I was 5cm dilated. The Ob predicted I would be fully dilated by about 7pm and should have my baby by 9pm.
During my abdominal pain ordeal they had turned the synto drip off – however since having the epidural I hadn’t had a contraction so they turned it back on the lowest setting to try and avoid what had happened before. The epidural was low enough that I could feel each contraction which I liked as it gave me something to focus on.
At 5.45 I had to have another internal Fiona my midwife said she thought I would be about 7 or 8cm dilated. She was very surprised when she touched the top of the baby’s head as soon as she put her fingers in!!! She told me that I was ready to push with the next contraction and that I would be meeting my baby very very soon. At this point I started crying, I was so excited that the moment I had waited so long for was about to happen.
10 minutes later I started pushing and they could see the baby’s head – I asked Fiona if the baby had hair and Mr Woggie told me not to ruin the surprise! But during the next push he went and had a look – I protested that he knew so they got me a mirror so I could see during my next push. When I saw the full head of dark brown hair – I started crying again!
Mr. Woggie asked how long would it take for the baby to be born at I said probably a few hours as that’s what I’ve read but Fiona said the baby wasn’t going to wait a few hours to meet us! Tears from me once again!!
At some point during my pushing Fiona made a call to someone and all of a sudden 5 doctors came into the room. Later I found out Charlie had gone into distress – they were preparing for an eptosomy when one doctor said there wasn’t enough time and I had to push the baby out in the very next push. So with the next contraction I did about 5 pushes and at 6.42pm our angel Charlie Michael entered the world. He was placed on my chest and I asked Mr Woggie what it was and he lifted the baby's legs and said “it’s a boy” but then he said to the midwife “is that right?” By now we were both in tears, all of our dreams had finally come true.
At 8.20pm Charlie had his first breastfeed – which is one of the most amazing moments of my life.
Although the labour was not how I had imagine giving birth and everything I didn’t want to happen happened I wouldn’t change it for anything – our little boy is happy and healthy and the light of our lives.
On Sunday the 23rd of August Mr Woggie and I woke up at 5.30am to go to the hospital to be induced. I had a shower and then called the hospital to check that I could still come in. I was incredibly disappointed when they told me that birth suite was full and my induction had to be postponed. I called back at 12.00 – the longest 6 hour wait of my life and was told to come in.
When we got there I was admitted and we went to sit in the waiting room for a midwife to come and get us. While we were in there we FINALLY decided if we had a son his name would be Charlie – I told Dean that he could chose the middle name and I really had no ideas! So he decided that Michael would be the baby’s middle name (Dean had wanted to call the baby Michael since forever!)
At 1.30 we got collected by a midwife and went into a examination room in birth suite where I was put on the CTG machine to monitor the baby. At 14.30 the cervidil tape was inserted and I was told I was still 1cm dilated. I got monitored on the CTG for another hour and then I got taken to my bed in the maternity ward. We were told we would be taken back to birth suite at 8.30 the next morning if nothing had happened.
At 5pm on Monday the 24th of August the midwife came and told me that I could remove the cervidil myself as there was no room in birth suite. So I removed the lovely device that did nothing and sat and waited.
At 8.45pm Mr Woggie was about to go home when the midwife came in and asked if I’d like to go down to birth suite. So I jumped out of bed and collected all of the things I wanted to use during labour.
When we got down to birth suite I was put on the CTG machine again. While I was being monitored I started having minor contractions. After the CTG I had a vaginal examination and was told I was 2cm dilated. The midwife gave us 2 options to have my waters broken and the synto drip started or to have the prostin gel and sleeping tablets and come back to be induced the following morning. As I had been awake since 5am that morning we opted to have the gel and for me to get some rest. At 10.25pm I had the gel inserted and had a tori contraction which is a long continuous contraction that doesn’t end. After being monitored on the CTG yet again I was taken back to the ward at midnight, given some sleeping tablets and told to rest as tomorrow I would be meeting my baby. I didn’t sleep to badly that night but woke up every so often with minor contractions. I stoped feeling contractions around 4am.
At 8.40am on Wednesday the 25th of August I was taken back to birth suite, where I had an internal and was told I was now 3cm dilated – woohoo only 7cm to go!! At 9.20am the Ob came in to break my waters and hook the baby’s head up to the CTG machine for continual monitoring during labour – this is where things started to divert from my birth plan. I had wanted to spend much of my labour in the water and was now unable to. At 10.35am the synto drip was started and I was told that contractions would start within 1-2 hours later. About 15 mintues after the drip was started I had my first contraction which was manageable with some breathing. At 11.18 I had my first ‘hardcore’ (in Mr Woggie’s words) contraction which I got through by rocking squeezing on my stress ball. At that point contractions started coming pretty hard and fast but I was managing them quite well by resting between them and standing and rocking during them.
At about 11.45 I was still having strong contractions but also developed abdominal pain that was worse than the contractions that didn’t go away. I was getting quite distressed as nothing I did would ease the pain. At 12.00 the midwife suggested I use some gas to for the abdominal pain – it helped for the contractions but not for the abdominal pain. At this point I turned into one of those crazy women in labour I was not coping with the abdominal pain – they couldn’t identify what it was so they called in the Ob who thought it just could be the sheer weight on my pelvis as the baby hnd fully engaged – at this point they did another examination and discovered that the baby had turned. The Ob suggested an epidural because by this point I was beside myself screaming and wailing in pain and also because the baby had turned and was now going to be even harder to push out – I believe I used the F bomb towards a few of the midwives and the Ob as they suggested I keep using the gas and I told them the gas wasn’t doing a fucking thing!
The anthesisist came in and gave me the spiel about the risks of the epi and once again I swore at him and told him I didn’t give a shit just to hurry up and give it to me. After the epi was administered at 1.50pm – or maybe before I can’t remember I fell asleep! I was told I was 5cm dilated. The Ob predicted I would be fully dilated by about 7pm and should have my baby by 9pm.
During my abdominal pain ordeal they had turned the synto drip off – however since having the epidural I hadn’t had a contraction so they turned it back on the lowest setting to try and avoid what had happened before. The epidural was low enough that I could feel each contraction which I liked as it gave me something to focus on.
At 5.45 I had to have another internal Fiona my midwife said she thought I would be about 7 or 8cm dilated. She was very surprised when she touched the top of the baby’s head as soon as she put her fingers in!!! She told me that I was ready to push with the next contraction and that I would be meeting my baby very very soon. At this point I started crying, I was so excited that the moment I had waited so long for was about to happen.
10 minutes later I started pushing and they could see the baby’s head – I asked Fiona if the baby had hair and Mr Woggie told me not to ruin the surprise! But during the next push he went and had a look – I protested that he knew so they got me a mirror so I could see during my next push. When I saw the full head of dark brown hair – I started crying again!
Mr. Woggie asked how long would it take for the baby to be born at I said probably a few hours as that’s what I’ve read but Fiona said the baby wasn’t going to wait a few hours to meet us! Tears from me once again!!
At some point during my pushing Fiona made a call to someone and all of a sudden 5 doctors came into the room. Later I found out Charlie had gone into distress – they were preparing for an eptosomy when one doctor said there wasn’t enough time and I had to push the baby out in the very next push. So with the next contraction I did about 5 pushes and at 6.42pm our angel Charlie Michael entered the world. He was placed on my chest and I asked Mr Woggie what it was and he lifted the baby's legs and said “it’s a boy” but then he said to the midwife “is that right?” By now we were both in tears, all of our dreams had finally come true.
At 8.20pm Charlie had his first breastfeed – which is one of the most amazing moments of my life.
Although the labour was not how I had imagine giving birth and everything I didn’t want to happen happened I wouldn’t change it for anything – our little boy is happy and healthy and the light of our lives.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I'm moving
I know lots of people blog about their pregnancies, babies and family life on their infertility blog. I just can't. It's just not for me. I love blogging and I miss blogging so I'm going to start a 'family blog' and who knows it may have TTC related stuff one day in the future.
If you want to find me I am here http://woggie-family.blogspot.com/
If you want to find me I am here http://woggie-family.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I'm really bad at this....
Who would have thought 2 years ago I couldn't stop blogging, I did it almost daily and my posts were long. And now, well now I've turned into a once in a blue moon blogger(although, I think there has been a blue moon since my last blog)
First and foremost. Happy New Year!
Congratulations to my fellow bloggers that have had babies since my last post.
They include Yaya who is going to adopt the lovely Alex (although it's just come to my attention that her blog is no longer available) Yaya if you read this I hope you are ok, I enjoyed reading your blog from time to time.
Megs who gave birth to her beautiful baby boy Aiden and
Oh Emily who also gave birth to a little boy, on a freezing cold winters night.
Now onto things closer to home.
We are still having sleep problems lots and lots of them, the maternal child health nurse wants us to go to 'sleep school' but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. He may be a crappy sleeper but he is still a little baby and I'm not quite prepared to let him cry it out. Maybe one day I'll be able to do tough love. But for now I'll happily live in my life of delirious sleep deprivation.
Mr Bear is now 5 and a half months old, it's so hard to believe that I am the mother to a baby that old! He does lots of clever things - like smile and rolls (only when it suits him) He is a daddy's boy but I get giggles and smiles too. He has started swimming lessons and has just graduated to putting his mouth underwater! Seriously scary stuff! He loves the water - a bit of a water baby like his mumma I think, hopefully not as dreadful at swimming like his pappa.
We have started him on food and he loves pumpkin - so much so he won't eat anything else. So I've taken to mixing other kinds of food with his pureed pumpkin! I try to give him rice cereal with expressed breast milk but it's not much of a hit, but I know the iron is good for him so I try my hardest to make him eat it.
I have days like today where I don't cope so well - days where for some reason unknown to me he just screams and screams and screams. On one hand my heart breaks to see him like that but on the other hand I find it difficult to cope with. I wonder on days like that if I have PND - I seem to have such a short fuse and really need to keep my self in check so I don't loose it. I'm so thankful that he is an easy going baby.
Despite the love I have for Mr. Bear I still think about our angel babies. Especially Baby Woggie. At the time I had a real feeling Baby Woggie was a girl and my heart aches for that daughter. Please don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give my son up for anything but I wonder so very much what that baby would have been like. It makes me sad that I will never know. Although I have no preference for either sex of child a think a baby girl at some point would help make it feel better.
First and foremost. Happy New Year!
Congratulations to my fellow bloggers that have had babies since my last post.
They include Yaya who is going to adopt the lovely Alex (although it's just come to my attention that her blog is no longer available) Yaya if you read this I hope you are ok, I enjoyed reading your blog from time to time.
Megs who gave birth to her beautiful baby boy Aiden and
Oh Emily who also gave birth to a little boy, on a freezing cold winters night.
Now onto things closer to home.
We are still having sleep problems lots and lots of them, the maternal child health nurse wants us to go to 'sleep school' but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. He may be a crappy sleeper but he is still a little baby and I'm not quite prepared to let him cry it out. Maybe one day I'll be able to do tough love. But for now I'll happily live in my life of delirious sleep deprivation.
Mr Bear is now 5 and a half months old, it's so hard to believe that I am the mother to a baby that old! He does lots of clever things - like smile and rolls (only when it suits him) He is a daddy's boy but I get giggles and smiles too. He has started swimming lessons and has just graduated to putting his mouth underwater! Seriously scary stuff! He loves the water - a bit of a water baby like his mumma I think, hopefully not as dreadful at swimming like his pappa.
We have started him on food and he loves pumpkin - so much so he won't eat anything else. So I've taken to mixing other kinds of food with his pureed pumpkin! I try to give him rice cereal with expressed breast milk but it's not much of a hit, but I know the iron is good for him so I try my hardest to make him eat it.
I have days like today where I don't cope so well - days where for some reason unknown to me he just screams and screams and screams. On one hand my heart breaks to see him like that but on the other hand I find it difficult to cope with. I wonder on days like that if I have PND - I seem to have such a short fuse and really need to keep my self in check so I don't loose it. I'm so thankful that he is an easy going baby.
Despite the love I have for Mr. Bear I still think about our angel babies. Especially Baby Woggie. At the time I had a real feeling Baby Woggie was a girl and my heart aches for that daughter. Please don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give my son up for anything but I wonder so very much what that baby would have been like. It makes me sad that I will never know. Although I have no preference for either sex of child a think a baby girl at some point would help make it feel better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)