I do, I do, I do, I do, I do....

I want to be pregnant again. I thought I didnt want to, but I do! I don't want to TTC again but I guess, there is no way around that, Although I'm wishing for the immaculate conception that Mary got (lucky girl!).

I want it more than ever now. I was luke warm about the whole idea last week and was feeling a bit selfish and just wanting to go to the gym, I think I was being a bit bitter and twisted and trying to make my body pay (like it cares!). But now I've realised it, I have this huge urge to get pregnant RIGHT NOW.

My GP said not to have sex or put anything into my va-jay-jay until my next cycle, but for once, I'm thinking I want to go with my instincts and not listen to doctors. Now to get Mr. Woggie to agree. That could be tricky, he likes doing things by the book....Goodie two shoes!!

Lost and Found...

The story goes like this.....

Once upon a Wednesday (to be precise the 27th of August 2008) Mrs. Woggie had a really bad day, so Mr. Woggie who was on night shift that night decided to take the day of and stay with his very sad wife. Mrs Woggies Mum (we call her Granny) got worried about her daughter and decided to baby sit her on Thursday the 28th of August when Mr. Woggie had gone to work.

The afternoon started as a lovely one! Mrs Woggie and Granny went shoe shopping, for an upcoming ball that Mr and Mrs Woggie are going to next weekend. Before they hit the shops, they enjoyed eating a wonderful Indian feast, it was delicious!!

Once they had filled themselves with engergy they went shopping, they thought it could take some time because Mrs. Woggie has terrible feet, Mrs. Woggie has Bunions, which are what an older lady should have not a 26 year old. So they went shopping and the first store was Mathers, Mrs Woggie saw a nice pair of shoes, tried them on and, ALAS! They were the perfect fit!! So she bought them.

After this, shoe shopping miracle Mrs. Woggie decided that she needed some new gym gear and a new sports bra! Once again, success!

Then it was time to go home. Mrs Woggie and Granny went their separate ways. Mrs Woggie had just setteled down at her laptop to catch up on the days events, when the phone rang. It was Granny to say that Tuppy (her dog) had once again escaped but this time her collar had broken off in the escape so no one would be able to identify her. Panic set in and Granny asked Mrs Woggie to come around and search (it was 9pm) so she got back in the car this time with Ozzie (her dog) in tow and drove to Granny's house.

20 minutes later, Mrs. Woggie arrived at Granny's house, Granny was on the phone to the pound. The pound had a dog matching Tuppy's description. "Female, Tan Silky Terrier" she is an Australian Terrier but often gets mistaken for a Silky. The pound lady asked us to go online and identify the dog. However, Granny, for the first time ever left her laptop at work and was unable to get online. SO her generous daughter Mrs. Woggie decided to drive Granny back to her house to use the internet there.

20 minutes later, we are on the pound website and searching through the photograps........

This is what we see.....

Tuppy's Mug Shot.......



And she is smiling! Altoghther now "AWWWWWWWWWW"

The following morning Mr and Mrs Woggie go to pick Tuppy up at the pound for Granny. Mr Woggie suggests that they tie her to the bumper bar and let her run home!!! Of course he is joking....or is he!!!

So the Woggies, Granny and Tuppy all lived happily ever after (until next time the little bitch runs away at least!!)

It's a Wednesday.

And I don't like Wednesdays. It makes me remember how many weeks pregnant I should be. I was feeling great yesterday, I was on top of the world. But today I've woken up and I feel like jumping, screaming and having a giant tantrum. I've already had a giant tantrum to Mr. Woggie. I seriously don't know how many more he will take.

It all seems too hard. I don't want to forget and I don't want to move on, but I feel like I should push myself to do it. If I let myself get stuck in this rut, well, I don't think I'll ever get out. I need to do something to remember Baby Woggie by and then look forward. I'm just at a loss at what to do. My thoughts so far are;

- Get a tattoo, I've draw the design I like, but Mr. Woggie is very very against this idea and I can see his point, it is permanent. I'm feeling like I feel now, but I might not always feel this way.

- Plant a tree - good idea, but what if it dies? I'll feel worse then, or if we move, because one day we will, our Baby Woggie Tree would have to stay here.

- Get an angel for my necklace, I think this idea is coming up trumps so far. I can wear it when I feel like I need to and I can take it off when I feel ready to, but always keep it somewhere safe.

Does anyone have any other suggestions. I need to do something, I just don't know what.

I got flowers!

From a beautiful friend!! Who knows that tulips are my new favourite flower!! Thank you. It was a wonderful surprise getting a delivery on a Sunday. I needed that. Mr Woggie, was out helping a friend move and I was watching reruns of the Olympics, feeling a bit sad and sorry for myself. There is nothing sweeter than the sound of a barking dog to let you know a stranger is coming up the front stairs with a delivery!!


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Now, onto more serious and not such happy news. We are taking a short TTC break. Not because we have to, well there is that, but also because we just want to be happy again. So I won't be around much until we start TTC again.

And so it hit me.....

I'd been doing remarkably well coping with the loss of Baby Woggie. Probably too well. I had cried once or twice, but on the whole I felt numb. I think that I was so wrapped up in the heavy bleeding and feeling dizzy that my mind was taken off the loss of Baby Woggie. But last night at about 11.30pm I was watching a repeat of the mens weightlifting final of the German man who won. When he collected his medal, he took a photo of his wife who had passed away 3 years ago with him and kissed it as he received his medal. And that my friends, was enough for me to lose it. I was sobbing and my heart was breaking. I must had been pretty loud because Mr. Woggie who was in bed came out to the lounge to comfort me. Today, I've just been feeling down and depressed, I keep thinking how far along I should be and how far along I'm not.

This brings me to my third song in the series of songs that speaks to me. It's is "The Voice Within" by Christina Aguilera. It has helped me through a lot of these kinds of moments and I expect that it will speak to me again and will help me find my inner strength.

The Voice Within.

The lady with the empty uterus.

That is me.

I got my ultrasound images from the scan from hell today. I don't know why they bothered giving me pictures of my very sad and pathetic looking empty uterus. What do I do with those? Maybe I should send them onto my FS, I'm actually tempted to put them through the shredder and then burn them.

All the way to the ultrasound on Monday, I thought we would see something. I didn't expect a heart beat, but I though there would at least be a sack. Not seeing the sack makes me fell like I was never pregnant, like it was all a big fat giant story I had concocted, like I had been seeing lines on pee tests every day for a week (Yes I was doing them everyday) that were not really there. But I remind myself, Mr. Woggie saw them too. You all saw them, I showed you. It must have been real. It just was not real for very long.

It was actually reveled that I have a 'Y' shaped uterus, which apparently means I could have trouble keeping a pregnancy, which is fantastic, I wanted more odds stacked up against me.

The doctor doesn't want us "having intercourse" until after my next period. I'm sorry lady BUT I've not "had intercourse" since I ovulated on the 24th of July. And I must say it was actually more like a business transaction that having enjoyable "intercourse" with my husband, and you are telling me you want me to wait for another 4 weeks, or until my body sorts itself out "You're dreamin" I'm pretty sure that is grounds for divorce isn't it?

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Song Number 2 - That "speaks to me" right now.

Time To Say Good-bye - Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli.

Quando sono sola sogno all'orizzonte e mancan le parole, si lo so che non c'è luce in una stanza quando manca il sole, se non ci sei tu con me, con me. Su le finestre mostra a tutti il mio cuore che hai accesso, chiudi dentro me la luce che hai incontrato per strada. Time to say goodbye. Paesi che non ho mai veduto e vissuto con te, adesso sì li vivrò. Con te partirò su navi per mari che, io lo so, no, no, non esistono più, it's time to say goodbye. Andrea: Quando sei lontana sogno all'orizzonte e mancan le parole, e io si lo so che sei con me con me, tu mia luna tu sei qui con me, mio sole tu sei qui, con me, con me, con me, con me. Time to say goodbye. Paesi che non ho mai veduto e vissuto con te, adesso sì li vivrò. Con te partirò su navi per mari che, io lo so, no, no, non esistono più, Both: con te io li rivivrò. Con te partirò su navi per mari che, io lo so, no, no, non esistono più, con te io li rivivrò. Con te partirò. Io con te.

When I'm alone I dream of the horizon and words fail; yes, I know there is no light in a room where the sun is absent, if you are not here with me. At the windows show everyone my heart which you set alight; enclose within me the light you encountered on the street. Time to say goodbye. to countries I never saw and shared with you, now, yes, I shall experience them. I'll go with you on ships across seas which, I know, no, no, exist no longer; it's time to say goodbye. When you are far away I dream of the horizon and words fail, and, yes, I know that you are with me; you, my moon, are here with me, my sun, you are here with me with me, with me, with me. Time to say goodbye. to countries I never saw and shared with you, now, yes, I shall experience them. I'll go with you on ships across seas which, I know, no, no, exist no longer, with you I shall experience them again. I'll go with you on ships across seas which, I know, no, no, exist no longer, with you I shall experience them again. I'll go with you. You and me

It's a bit of a sad one. But I did say good bye to Baby Woggie the other night, I told him/her, that is was ok for him/her to leave us. I told Baby Woggie that I love him/her but it was fine to go.

And now for the song.

A song that speaks to me....

There are a few right now. And I might dedicate the next little bit to telling you why these song "speak to me"

Firstly - Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.

It reminds me that no matter what, I won't forget my baby, ever. It was alive inside me. It was a part of me, it was a part of Mr. Woggie. I've been reading and lots and people seem to like to move on from their lost babies. And that is fine, everyone needs to deal with it in their own way. But my way is to remember for 8 days, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I actually said to Mr. Woggie I felt bad that we didn't share the news with the world while I was pregnant so they could see just how much this little one meant to us, how much this little one was loved and wanted by us. That is something I might do differently next time.

This song also reminds me that through all of it the number one person in my life has been Mr. Woggie. I know I've been viewed as selfish and mean for not sharing my news, but it is just that "my news" we needed to come to terms with it our self first and secondly I dealt with the loss in a way that I wanted to. It is not about anyone else, the way I am grieving, it is about me and Mr. Woggie.

Anway I'm getting off track. Little Wonders, reminds me that time will pass and I will be ok, but it is still ok for me to remember Baby Woggie. And that through it all. Mr. Woggie is my number one fan and no matter what, no matter how many times we have faltered through this infertility journey we will be ok.

So the lyrics for you. Followed by the You Tube Clip.

more Rob Thomas lyrics

Little Wonder Lyrics

Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder,
Don't you know, the hardest part is over, let it in,
Let your clarity define you in the end,
You will only just remember how it feels.

Our lives are made, in these small hours, these little wonders
These twisted turns of fate, time falls away,
But these small hours, these small hours, still remain.

Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you, let it shine,
Till you feel it all around you,
And I don't mind, if it's me you need to turn to, we'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end.

Our lives are made, in these small hours, these little wonders
These twisted turns of fate, time falls away,
But these small hours, these small hours, still remain.
All of my regret, will wash away somehow,
But I cannot forget the way I feel right now.
In these small hours, these little wonders, these twisted turns of fate,
All these twisted turns of fate, these twisted turns of fate
Yeah, times falls away
But these small hours, these small hours, still remain.
They still remain, these little wonders, all these twisted turns of fate
time falls away, but these small hours, these little wonders
Still remain.

Thanks to (V) for correcting these lyrics. Dec 22, 2007full lyrics

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