Wednesday, December 31, 2008
A New Year, A New Journey, A New Look...
As 2009 begins and Dean and I embark on a new journey I've decided that a new blog look is what I need. So over the coming days I will be giving my blog a face lift - If I can figure it out!
Hurdles....
There are many of them for me right now.
Overcoming this huge fear of miscarrying is certainly one of them.
My miscarriages both happened in week 5, the first was 5w5d, which will be this Saturday for me, so if I can get past Saturday without having a meltdown I'll be doing well! The other one was 5w1d, which I have already passed, thank you God.
I have been praying a lot recently, an awful lot. I've also been saying thank you to God more times than I thought humanly possible. But I'm just feeling so lucky so incredibly blessed and so amazed that I've been giving this opportunity again. And this time, I'm sure this baby is a sticker.
I don't have much in the way of symptoms, just lots and lots of the creamy CM which I got the first time I was pregnant and I gag randomly too! Which I love because it's a reminder of why I am gagging.
Dean and I are thrilled. I was so thrilled when I did the test I ran up the stairs without any pants on to show Dean the test!!!!
We told our families - I'm not sure you can say they were that excited - we got the congratulations but I guess they are just worried considering the past two pregnancy failures. It was slightly disappointing though, we were feeling so excited about it and wanted people to jump up and down and round and round. I know they will get excited in time, but I feel jibbed that I didn't get the reaction that a fertile would get announcing their pregnancy.
But at the end of the day the most important thing is I am Pregnant, I'm going to have a baby and Dean and I are thrilled and over the moon about it.
Overcoming this huge fear of miscarrying is certainly one of them.
My miscarriages both happened in week 5, the first was 5w5d, which will be this Saturday for me, so if I can get past Saturday without having a meltdown I'll be doing well! The other one was 5w1d, which I have already passed, thank you God.
I have been praying a lot recently, an awful lot. I've also been saying thank you to God more times than I thought humanly possible. But I'm just feeling so lucky so incredibly blessed and so amazed that I've been giving this opportunity again. And this time, I'm sure this baby is a sticker.
I don't have much in the way of symptoms, just lots and lots of the creamy CM which I got the first time I was pregnant and I gag randomly too! Which I love because it's a reminder of why I am gagging.
Dean and I are thrilled. I was so thrilled when I did the test I ran up the stairs without any pants on to show Dean the test!!!!
We told our families - I'm not sure you can say they were that excited - we got the congratulations but I guess they are just worried considering the past two pregnancy failures. It was slightly disappointing though, we were feeling so excited about it and wanted people to jump up and down and round and round. I know they will get excited in time, but I feel jibbed that I didn't get the reaction that a fertile would get announcing their pregnancy.
But at the end of the day the most important thing is I am Pregnant, I'm going to have a baby and Dean and I are thrilled and over the moon about it.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I'm back....with some news
I
AM
PREGNANT!!!!!!
5w1d today, due August 31 or September 1stish...not 100% sure.
I had BhCG done at 4 weeks which was 135 and again yesterday and 5w which was 2887.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this roller coaster of a journey, I'm sure I've not been easy to live with, or read at times. Thank you for sticking by me and encouraging me every step of the way.
So who voted, December on my poll?
AM
PREGNANT!!!!!!
5w1d today, due August 31 or September 1stish...not 100% sure.
I had BhCG done at 4 weeks which was 135 and again yesterday and 5w which was 2887.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this roller coaster of a journey, I'm sure I've not been easy to live with, or read at times. Thank you for sticking by me and encouraging me every step of the way.
So who voted, December on my poll?
Sunday, December 21, 2008
2008 - What a year!
Although it probably doesn't sound like it from my constant crapping on 2008 hasn't been all bad. It's been a year of extreme highs and extreme lows.
Here's a bit of a photo gallery of 2008. I'm doing it now as with Christmas coming up it's going to be hectic and we won't be home from the 24th of December until the 30th of December. Then we are going away again on the 10th of January until the 16th.
Bringing in the New Year, looking forward to a fresh start.
Celebrating Dean's 30th Birthday in March
Our Holiday to Europe in March and April
Our first wedding anniversary in Russia
Successful home renovations completed.
Before:
After
Michael Buble with Mum
Our first BFP
Our first miscarriage
Great night out with friends at a charity ball - and THAT block of chocolate!
A fantastic day at Oktoberfest with the in laws
Our second BFP and our second miscarriage
A Natural Disaster
A trip to Melbourne to meet good friends
Here's a bit of a photo gallery of 2008. I'm doing it now as with Christmas coming up it's going to be hectic and we won't be home from the 24th of December until the 30th of December. Then we are going away again on the 10th of January until the 16th.
Bringing in the New Year, looking forward to a fresh start.
Celebrating Dean's 30th Birthday in March
Our Holiday to Europe in March and April
Our first wedding anniversary in Russia
Successful home renovations completed.
Before:
After
Michael Buble with Mum
Our first BFP
Our first miscarriage
Great night out with friends at a charity ball - and THAT block of chocolate!
A fantastic day at Oktoberfest with the in laws
Our second BFP and our second miscarriage
A Natural Disaster
A trip to Melbourne to meet good friends
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Kiss Me! I'm Irish!
Well I'm not actually, but that's very beside the point I'm trying to make. I think I'd like to be Irish, they seem to have so much fun, all those jigs and bagpipes, sound's like heaven to me!
Last night Jo and I went to the Casino and ate our buffet dinner - at the new and improved Blackjacks restaurant, we had our mandatory 3 frozen daiquiris, there were so many people out last night it was not funny. After that we walked to the Irish Club.
A brief background on the Irish Club thing....
Jo and I went to uni together. Jo used to be in the Queensland Irish Association Bagpipe Band, she was a drummer (a really good one at that - she can twirl her furry drumsticks around in many different ways!) Bruce is the head honcho bagpiper in the band. Bruce and Dean went to school together. Dean went out with Bruce on the 26th of January 2005 to a gig, I went to the same gig with Jo. Jo and Bruce and to go and do band warm up, Dean and I were left standing on the pavement talking to each other!
So you get the significance of the Irish Club now, and why we went there!
The Irish Club has recently been renovated they used to just have Bag Piping music and maybe a few dancers and perhaps another band, it was ok entertainment but a bit old school. Anyway with the new renos a band called Murphy's Pigs has been created. Bruce is in the group - the only Bag Piper in the group, he plays the electric pipes - who knew such wonderful things exisited! They are fantastic! I had a great time sitting around with people who I met the same day I met Dean, they somehow seem like family and obviously bring back very happy memories. Dean and I have decided that we are going to go to the Irish Club for New Years because Murphy's Pigs are playing through the night!
While I'm bragging about my friend Bruce (he played the bagpipes at our wedding!) Here is a you tube clip of him playing the pipes for Andre Rieu when he was touring in Brisbane!
Anyway I had a great night! It was wonderful to be carefree and not thinking about test day next week.
On that topic - I've still got tender breasts, although they are only tender to touch not to jiggle around! I'm not sure if tender breasts includes only tenderness when you poke them? I've also got creamy CM and I'm certain that is something I always get about a week after ovulation.
Thank you all for the most overwhelming and amazing support over the last few months, you've all managed to spur me on when I need it. Thank you and much love xoxox I hope that I can share some joyful news with you all soon.
Last night Jo and I went to the Casino and ate our buffet dinner - at the new and improved Blackjacks restaurant, we had our mandatory 3 frozen daiquiris, there were so many people out last night it was not funny. After that we walked to the Irish Club.
A brief background on the Irish Club thing....
Jo and I went to uni together. Jo used to be in the Queensland Irish Association Bagpipe Band, she was a drummer (a really good one at that - she can twirl her furry drumsticks around in many different ways!) Bruce is the head honcho bagpiper in the band. Bruce and Dean went to school together. Dean went out with Bruce on the 26th of January 2005 to a gig, I went to the same gig with Jo. Jo and Bruce and to go and do band warm up, Dean and I were left standing on the pavement talking to each other!
So you get the significance of the Irish Club now, and why we went there!
The Irish Club has recently been renovated they used to just have Bag Piping music and maybe a few dancers and perhaps another band, it was ok entertainment but a bit old school. Anyway with the new renos a band called Murphy's Pigs has been created. Bruce is in the group - the only Bag Piper in the group, he plays the electric pipes - who knew such wonderful things exisited! They are fantastic! I had a great time sitting around with people who I met the same day I met Dean, they somehow seem like family and obviously bring back very happy memories. Dean and I have decided that we are going to go to the Irish Club for New Years because Murphy's Pigs are playing through the night!
While I'm bragging about my friend Bruce (he played the bagpipes at our wedding!) Here is a you tube clip of him playing the pipes for Andre Rieu when he was touring in Brisbane!
Anyway I had a great night! It was wonderful to be carefree and not thinking about test day next week.
On that topic - I've still got tender breasts, although they are only tender to touch not to jiggle around! I'm not sure if tender breasts includes only tenderness when you poke them? I've also got creamy CM and I'm certain that is something I always get about a week after ovulation.
Thank you all for the most overwhelming and amazing support over the last few months, you've all managed to spur me on when I need it. Thank you and much love xoxox I hope that I can share some joyful news with you all soon.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Somebody stop me!
If I had internet cheapie HPT's in the house I would test. WHAT AM I THINKING?
1. I've never had a positive on an ebay cheapie, even when I was pregnant so I would only end up disappointed.
2. I'm only 10DPO and I know perfectly fertile people get positive HPTs that early, but I'm seriously not one of those perfectly lucky fertile people.
3. I wouldn't be using FMU, which is probably essential at this point.
4. I would bet almost anything that I'm not pregnant, I have all of my pre-AF symptoms.
Other than that crazy outburst of feeling the desire to test (I did just empty my bladder so I couldn't) Nothing of interest is happening in the TWW, I've still got sore boobs that come and go. And I've decided that I need a colour chart for my nipples, I noticed in both pregnancies my whitey mc whitey nipples went a darker colour, but It's so hard to actually tell if they look darker or if it's just the light at the time, so a nipple colour chart would be ideal right about now.
I'm having a bit of an angry day today, I'm not sure why. It could be the fact that I literally cried myself to sleep last night, Dean came home and found me as a blubbering mess at midnight, poor guy. He was wonderful though - he went put the air con on for me it was 30 degrees in our bedroom at midnight! Then he got me my drink bottle and filled it with chilled water, got my aspirin (that I forgot to take) and then he just sat and stroked my arm and face until I fell asleep. I really am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. Sometimes I forget that.
Tonight I'm going out with my wild friend Jo. Jo has lived all over the world for the last few years and I've missed her. I've flown to see her in various places from time to time and we always catch up when she comes home! Now she is home for good though forever! Jo is wild, she isn't married and is very happily not married, she has no idea about any of my infertility or my losses which I love because she still treats me like the person I was before all of this. Anyway I'm sure I will have a great time I'm actually really looking forward to being normal.
This is us last Christmas drinking our frozen daiquiris at the Treasury Casino (that is where were always start our nights out!)
Jo on the left, me on the right!
1. I've never had a positive on an ebay cheapie, even when I was pregnant so I would only end up disappointed.
2. I'm only 10DPO and I know perfectly fertile people get positive HPTs that early, but I'm seriously not one of those perfectly lucky fertile people.
3. I wouldn't be using FMU, which is probably essential at this point.
4. I would bet almost anything that I'm not pregnant, I have all of my pre-AF symptoms.
Other than that crazy outburst of feeling the desire to test (I did just empty my bladder so I couldn't) Nothing of interest is happening in the TWW, I've still got sore boobs that come and go. And I've decided that I need a colour chart for my nipples, I noticed in both pregnancies my whitey mc whitey nipples went a darker colour, but It's so hard to actually tell if they look darker or if it's just the light at the time, so a nipple colour chart would be ideal right about now.
I'm having a bit of an angry day today, I'm not sure why. It could be the fact that I literally cried myself to sleep last night, Dean came home and found me as a blubbering mess at midnight, poor guy. He was wonderful though - he went put the air con on for me it was 30 degrees in our bedroom at midnight! Then he got me my drink bottle and filled it with chilled water, got my aspirin (that I forgot to take) and then he just sat and stroked my arm and face until I fell asleep. I really am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. Sometimes I forget that.
Tonight I'm going out with my wild friend Jo. Jo has lived all over the world for the last few years and I've missed her. I've flown to see her in various places from time to time and we always catch up when she comes home! Now she is home for good though forever! Jo is wild, she isn't married and is very happily not married, she has no idea about any of my infertility or my losses which I love because she still treats me like the person I was before all of this. Anyway I'm sure I will have a great time I'm actually really looking forward to being normal.
This is us last Christmas drinking our frozen daiquiris at the Treasury Casino (that is where were always start our nights out!)
Jo on the left, me on the right!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
It's been...
Today is 4 months since we lost Baby Woggie.
I've been feeling terribly flat all day long. I just can't stop thinking about that day. It still feels like it was just a bad dream, I wish it was. The last 4 months has changed me as a person so much. I wish I could say it's changed me for the better, but I don't think it has.
I'm sure that in the end of all this I'll be able to look back and see that it's made me a better person, I don't know how. I'm a crankier wife, daughter and sister, I'm much less tolerant of stupid people and their stupid comments, I'm negative on a more regular basis and I cry a lot. I promise I do have good days too! Usually days when I'm too busy to think about it. Working a few hours a day has been great to get my mind off it, even though I don't love the work, I love that my mind is taken off infertility and loss for 5 hours.
I'm still in the TWW, about 9DPO I think. Nothing is happening to my body, so I suspect my worst fears will be confirmed and I'll get AF sometime early next week. I know many people say that they had no symptoms at all early on. But for me the lack of symptoms is very telling, I had major symptoms for my first pregnancy and the second they went I just knew something was wrong. I do have sore boobs, but I always have sore boobs before I get my period. So I guess we wait.
I've been feeling terribly flat all day long. I just can't stop thinking about that day. It still feels like it was just a bad dream, I wish it was. The last 4 months has changed me as a person so much. I wish I could say it's changed me for the better, but I don't think it has.
I'm sure that in the end of all this I'll be able to look back and see that it's made me a better person, I don't know how. I'm a crankier wife, daughter and sister, I'm much less tolerant of stupid people and their stupid comments, I'm negative on a more regular basis and I cry a lot. I promise I do have good days too! Usually days when I'm too busy to think about it. Working a few hours a day has been great to get my mind off it, even though I don't love the work, I love that my mind is taken off infertility and loss for 5 hours.
I'm still in the TWW, about 9DPO I think. Nothing is happening to my body, so I suspect my worst fears will be confirmed and I'll get AF sometime early next week. I know many people say that they had no symptoms at all early on. But for me the lack of symptoms is very telling, I had major symptoms for my first pregnancy and the second they went I just knew something was wrong. I do have sore boobs, but I always have sore boobs before I get my period. So I guess we wait.
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