Today is 4 months since we lost Baby Woggie.
I've been feeling terribly flat all day long. I just can't stop thinking about that day. It still feels like it was just a bad dream, I wish it was. The last 4 months has changed me as a person so much. I wish I could say it's changed me for the better, but I don't think it has.
I'm sure that in the end of all this I'll be able to look back and see that it's made me a better person, I don't know how. I'm a crankier wife, daughter and sister, I'm much less tolerant of stupid people and their stupid comments, I'm negative on a more regular basis and I cry a lot. I promise I do have good days too! Usually days when I'm too busy to think about it. Working a few hours a day has been great to get my mind off it, even though I don't love the work, I love that my mind is taken off infertility and loss for 5 hours.
I'm still in the TWW, about 9DPO I think. Nothing is happening to my body, so I suspect my worst fears will be confirmed and I'll get AF sometime early next week. I know many people say that they had no symptoms at all early on. But for me the lack of symptoms is very telling, I had major symptoms for my first pregnancy and the second they went I just knew something was wrong. I do have sore boobs, but I always have sore boobs before I get my period. So I guess we wait.
4 comments:
I know how you feel. Saturday was 1 year since my 2nd m/c. It is hard and I dont know if I am a better person or if I will ever be a better person.
It sucks to m/c and want a pregnancy so bad when people get pregnant all the time and then neglect or abuse thier children. Ughh! Just not fair!
Yes - time will reveal to you how you have evolved into a better person because of all your grief.
And - for the record - having less tolerance for people's stupid shit in life IS the making of a better person.
Thinking of you as you remember yor little one today.
Love you lots my sweet
xxx
I will never be the eternal optimist that I was before my miscarriages.
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