AF!
Never in my life have I wished for AF. Then again never in my life have I only been given 3 months and 8 days to accomplish being pregnant. I don't even know if that is a realistic goal. I mean so far our success rate has not been good, 1 year, 2 months and 3 days has not got me pregnant so please forgive me if I think that the 3 months just doesn't cut it.
I know last week I was feeling so upbeat about it all and now I just feel down right terrible, like it is an impossible no win situation. I feel like the longer I go with out spotting means the longer it will be until AF arrives and that just down right sucks. I want to think that **maybe** I could be pregnant but I just can't fathom that something like that will ever happen to me.
And I know AF being 1 day late is nothing, but for me it is everything in all my life, I have had 2 cycles longer that 29 days. One was 30 days and one was 31 days. Yes today is CD 30 and yes I think you get that I am getting really frustrated. At some point I am going to have to do a HPT and I know at that point I will see one ugly line and I will cry and my heart will break.
Anyway, in other breaking news. On saturday I went for a 9km bike ride, the whole way I was cursing Mr Woggie about him not fixing my breaks properly and they were rubbing on the wheel and making it hard for me to ride, about 1km from the end of the ride he informed me I was in the hardest gear...no freaking wonder!!
Then yesterday we went on another one, this time 10kms and this time I didn't take it out of the easiest gear!! After riding 10km, we stopped at a dog off leash area which runs along side a creek. Oz was desperate for a swim so he scaled down the creek bank (it was quite steep mind you!) and jumped in, he did this a few times in the shallows and he looked like he was having a ball. UNTIL he decided the shallows were not enough, so he scaled down an extremely rocky cliff and jumped in the water, not realising he couldn't have his feet touch the bottom (he loves water but hates swimming!) then because the cliff was so steep he couldn't get out, so poor Mr Woggie had to go down the cliff and rescue the dog. So the dog survived and enjoyed the 5km ride back home!!! It certainly take my mind of this whole TTC business, which I wouldn't mind happening more often.
I'll keep you all updated, on the AF situation, no doubt it will arrive in the not so distant future. And I warn you, I will be cranky!
3 comments:
Oh sweetie. I know the sharp pain whenever it's a BFN.
Don't lose hope. I'm crossing everything for you.
Nah, you don't scare me on your crankiness. :) We've all had that cranky bitch in us whenever AF arrives.
*hugs*
I know exactly how your feel, your head tells you its a BFN, but you do the damn test and then your heart breaks anyway.
One day maybe we will be surprised.....
I completely understand the frustration of waiting, and the hope that creeps in without you wanting it to, the urge urge urge to test, and the desperate need to avoid doing so because it always slams the hope away.
Hang in there, there's lots of people ready to catch you xxxx
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